You are more than what you give ❤️
I have had the privilege of knowing some of the most caring souls—people who would give you the shirt off their back if you asked. I see it in the people I love, the clients I support, and in myself. That deep desire to help, to heal, to hold space. It’s beautiful. It’s a gift. But it can also be a weight that slowly erodes who we are if we’re not careful.
I know this all too well.
For a long time, I believed my worth was tied to how much I could do for others. It felt safe to be needed. It felt good to be the one who showed up, who fixed, who soothed. But over time, I started noticing something—I was exhausted. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. And yet, I kept giving. Because somewhere deep down, I feared that if I stopped, if I said no, if I set boundaries, then I would no longer be valuable.
Trauma has a way of shaping us into givers. It teaches us that love is earned, that safety comes from being agreeable, that we have to prove ourselves through self-sacrifice. Helping becomes more than an act of kindness—it becomes an identity. But we are so much more than what we do for others.
Healing means learning to give from a place of abundance, not depletion. It means knowing that you are enough, that you are still worthy even when you say no. Finding this balance isn’t easy, but it is necessary. Here’s where to start:
Practice saying no – Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when the guilt creeps in. No is a full sentence, and it doesn’t make you any less kind or compassionate.
Go to therapy – Exploring the roots of the “helper” identity can reveal why it feels so hard to stop over-giving. Therapy, especially EMDR, can help rewrite those old survival-based beliefs.
Nurture yourself first – You can’t pour from an empty cup. Rest, play, and reconnect with yourself beyond what you do for others.
Surround yourself with people who don’t just take – Seek out relationships that feel reciprocal, that see you beyond what you can offer.
You are not just a helper. You are a whole, complex, radiant being who deserves as much love and care as you so freely give. You are valuable simply because you exist. You are worthy when you put yourself first. You are everything—just as you are.
Let’s commit to holding onto ourselves while we hold space for others. ⚘
